I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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