I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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