she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
