worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
