Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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