I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whod you bang
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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