I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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