dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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