1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
