Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
