Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
