...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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