I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
