We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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