You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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