But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
