Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
