she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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