can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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