You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
