Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
