i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
