the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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