I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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