Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
