I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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