one two three fourrrrnication!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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