Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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