i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
