You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
