i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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