You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
