He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
