My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
