Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
