I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
