I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
