I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
