Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
