3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
