the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up under a house in Key West
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
