life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
