Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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