Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
