Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
