we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
