So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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