Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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