Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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