just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i dont even know how to be here
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
