This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
